This year instead of celebrating Beltane with joyous rituals, an abundance of flowers & food, and lighting a plethora of candles, I spent the day moving into our new home.
Beltane is a Sabbat often celebrated by Witches (Pagan, Neo-Pagan, Wiccan, or not.) The day and name comes from the Gaelic celebration that often occurs half way between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice. In short; Beltane celebrates the ending of Spring and the beginning of Summer.
Through a Wiccan view MY Wiccan view, Beltane is a joyous celebration of; the union of the God & Goddess, fertility, sensuality, growth, and the brilliant fire of the “bright light” (the translation of the word Beltane itself.) Over the course of history, there have come many ways for one to observe May Day.
And yesterday, I did so by doing something risky & scary… leaving what had become my safety zone and jumping into something new and unknown. During a time of such chaos and uncertainty my sweetheart and I took a big leap. We moved. Quickly. And I’m so glad we did.
When crowded with boxes our little apartment suddenly made me feel like Alice growing bigger and bigger, and as we settled into bed at our new place, I realized what a stark difference in freedom I felt. Our last apartment, while lovely, felt clouded in the building’s overall negative energy. The move was the result of the perfect storm, we’re talking; car getting broken into, reaching a breaking point with the callous upstairs neighbor who decided we were to not laugh in our own home (seriously.), and a beautiful, bigger, and brighter apartment opening up exactly where and when we needed it to. Thank you, Universe.
I felt so guided by the Universe / Mama Earth / God to move here. When we first walked in, to view the apartment, a couple weeks ago, I was ready to point out all the reasons it wouldn’t work. It was a bottom floor unit in pretty well walked area, we’d lose our coveted in unit washer & dryer…but, the energy of the space defied my preconceived notions. The space was light and open, even mid renovations with all the kitchen appliances out of place and the bathroom in complete disarray, I could instantly imagine our life there.
The apartment is surrounded by trees and blooming, pink flowers. The type of landscape that inspires you want to go looking for fairies. This bottom floor oasis feels rooted and connected. I am now speaking at a normal volume without fear of retribution versus whispering in my home.
The comparison has my heart breaking at how much fear I allowed myself to live in, how easy it is for me to break my back bending over for someone else, how easily anxiety can guide my actions. My girlfriend even pointed out that in an attempt to protect ourselves we covered every inch of our old walls in paintings, tapestries, and photos of our family and ancestors in an attempt to armor ourselves with love and art. When removing the barrier of all our decorations the apartment’s echo grew and grew. In trying to protect ourselves we also muffled our own noise.
If you’ve ever taken a voice technique class you know how damaging the impulse to control or shrink your voice can be, like snuffing out your own light.
Maybe, it is the new apartment that has me feeling liberated with all of its potential. Perhaps, it’s the Beltane energy, reminding me that flowers still bloom even now when the world experiences great loss and great pause. And all those fears were really just the result of a mean neighbor.
But maybe, it’s the result of actively trying to return to my spiritual practice and my self care, each interwoven with one another. Working to shift my mindset for condemning myself for not achieving a perfect and productive positivity but striving for a resilient belief that everything will be okay. I have been tending to my heart, prioritizing my connection to God whom I’ve been seeking in my Bhakti Yoga Practice, by singing Kirtan, through prayer, exercising my trust muscle, and by honoring the divinity within myself.
Last month, I created an affirmations calendar. I found it to be a gentle guide to help me in my spiritual self-care practice. It was a reassuring, meditative mantra to focus on when everything seemed impossible. It did not judge me if I forgot to practice for a day or two. It was simple and if all I did that day was recite my mantra or write a gratitude list, then that was enough.
So, dear friend, whether you are celebrating the coming of Summer with a Beltane bonfire or just trying to wade the waters of a Shelter-in-Place extension, I offer this to you. Use these affirmations as journal prompts, meditations, or say it ten times in the mirror while dancing to Lizzo. My heart is so with you as we journey through this season together.
Read on, dear friend.
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